


Hold Me While It Rains

by hmweasley



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Ableism, Autistic Alec Lightwood, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-06
Updated: 2019-04-06
Packaged: 2020-01-05 16:58:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18370250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hmweasley/pseuds/hmweasley
Summary: Alec's special interest is world religions. Who better to ask about demons than the son of a demon himself? But he isn't expecting to connect with Magnus Bane in the way he does.





	Hold Me While It Rains

**Author's Note:**

> Content notice: Some implied emotional abuse by Maryse and Robert and implied ableist views from various Shadowhunters.
> 
> Note: This is an AU from both the book and the show, but while I've been mostly writing fic for the show recently, I was imagining Magnus' apartment how I imagine it in the books as I was writing this. It's just what came to my mind while I was writing instead of the TV show apartment.
> 
> Prompt:  
> rain/drizzle

Alec had always held a deep interest in religion despite not subscribing to any particular religion himself. Demons existed; he’d seen them for himself. But though they supposedly had angel blood themselves, Shadowhunters had as little idea about the truth of it all as anyone else. Even if some of them pretended differently.

Did angels exist? Alec’s gut told him no, but that didn’t stop him from looking for definitive proof that he was right.

“I want to visit Magnus Bane.”

Jace raised an eyebrow at him from across the library table, but his face was largely unreadable as he set his book aside and leaned forward on his elbows. Any scheme of Alec’s was more enjoyable than the Latin they were meant to be studying. Jace had never been a fan of languages.

“Magnus Bane?” Jace asked. “The High Warlock of Brooklyn Magnus Bane?”

“Yes,” Alec said. “He’s half demon, and he’s the most powerful warlock in New York. One of the most powerful in the world even. I want to ask him about demon lore. His father must have been a powerful demon, right? That’s the only way he could have ended up with powers like that. I want to know what he can tell me about his father and other Greater Demons.”

Jace stared at him for a moment. He was as unconcerned as always, leaning back into his chair and swinging one arm over the back of the empty one next to him. Jace never said no to Alec’s requests, but the stretch of silence before agreeing was unusual.

“You want to ask Magnus Bane about his father?” he asked slowly.

Alec’s brow furrowed. 

“Yes. Is that a problem? We’ll pay him like we would for any other service. There’s no reason for him to turn us down.”

Jace laughed, and Alec got the uneasy feeling in his stomach that came when he knew he was missing something that everyone else understood.

“Alec, no one knows who Magnus Bane’s father is. It’s not in the Institute’s records. I should know. I dug deep when I wanted to get dirt on him once. If it’s not there, he doesn’t want anyone to know what demon it is. We’re not going to be able to pay enough money to change his mind after the 500 or whatever years that he’s been around.”

Alec stared at a spot on the wall above Jace’s head as he chewed over the words.

“Why would anyone bother hiding a fact as simple as who their father is?”

It had been a musing mostly for himself, but Jace laughed in response. Alec knew Jace’s own father was a touchy subject since he’d died, so he closed his mouth and didn’t say anything else about fathers.

“We can at least ask,” he pressed.

Jace didn’t answer. He merely raised one eyebrow.

“Please, Jace? I always do everything you ask me to no matter how stupid it is. I’m asking for one thing.”

Jace sighed.

“Fine, but he’s going to say no. Be prepared for it.”

Alec tried to be.

* * *

“This is it?” Alec asked, staring at the nondescript apartment building Jace had brought him to in Brooklyn.

“According to the Institute’s information, this is where the High Warlock of Brooklyn lives,” Jace confirmed. “But, yeah, it’s not very impressive, is it?”

That was an understatement. Typically, Alec wouldn’t have thought much about a place’s appearance, but he’d expected someone like Magnus Bane to live someone extravagant. The building in front of them wasn’t just old; it looked as if it had never been properly cared for. Magnus’ magic might have been the only thing keeping it from falling apart.

“I guess I was expecting something...richer?”

“Well,” Jace said, walking towards the intercom, “this is what we got.”

Jace scanned the apartment numbers until he found what he was looking for.

“Does that thing work?” Alec asked, staring at the intercom distrustfully.

“We’ll find out,” Jace said as he pressed Magnus’ buzzer.

There was a crackle of electricity before their call was answered in the most dramatic voice Alec had ever heard.

“Who calls upon the High Warlock of Brooklyn?”

Alec’s hands trembled. It was one thing to hear about Magnus Bane and another to be interacting with him. Alec had read every bit of information the Institute had on him before he’d decided he had to speak to him for himself. That didn’t mean much, as the information the Institute had was spotty at best. Alec wasn’t even sure of his age, which seemed to vary depending on the document. What he was sure of, however, was that Magnus was one of the most powerful warlocks in the world.

Jace gave Alec a look before leaning towards the speaker.

“Jace Wayland and Alec Lightwood from the New York Institute.”

It was quiet, leaving Alec to wonder if Magnus wouldn’t engage with them because they were Shadowhunters. He’d encountered a number of Downworlders with similar views.

“I do not wish to involve myself in any Shadowhunter business.”

His voice had an edge to it that hadn’t been there when he’d announced himself, and Alec’s thoughts drifted to some of the incidents he’d read about from the Clave. He couldn’t say he blamed the man for his reluctance, but he was desperate. He stepped forward, pushing Jace out of the way to get close to the microphone.

“It’s not official Shadowhunter business,” he said, voice rising in desperation. “See, I just really want to talk to you about demons. Because there’s some stuff that isn’t in the Clave’s records, and I was wondering if you might know more about them. I’m willing to pay you.”

It was quiet for another moment before Magnus answered.

“You want to pay me to talk to you about demons?”

Even through the static of the old speaker, Magnus sounded skeptical.

“Yes.”

Alec leaned closer to the microphone, only half aware that his mouth was dangerously close to something that hadn’t been cleaned for the better part of a century.

“Your father must be a powerful demon,” he continued. “There’s no telling what you know, and I’m interested in—”

“Do not presume to know a thing about me, Shadowhunter.”

Alec froze, his blood turning to ice in his veins. He forgot to breathe as Magnus continued, his voice rising as he did so.

“I have no desire to discuss anything of my past with the likes of you. Leave. Before I become less gracious and give you a stronger warning.”

“But—”

It was Jace who interrupted him this time, wrapping a hand around his arm and tugging him away.

“We’re not getting cursed today,” he said, not even giving Magnus confirmation that they were leaving.

Alec’s heart drummed in his ears as they walked away. He wasn’t sure what had gone wrong. He’d been close to getting some of the information he craved, yet it hadn’t worked, just as Jace had told him it wouldn’t.

The whole way home, he stared at the ground, stewing over how things could have gone differently but failing to come up with an answer.

* * *

Alec pressed the buzzer before he doubted himself further. The several seconds it took for Magnus to respond felt endless. He wiped his palms against his jeans and tried to focus on his breathing.

The first time he’d come to speak to Magnus Bane, he hadn’t felt as fearful. Magnus was powerful, yes, but unlike many Shadowhunters, Alec had seen no reason to view Magnus as inherently dangerous. Now that he’d made the warlock angry, though, the wait for his response was unbearable.

“Who wishes to speak to the High Warlock of Brooklyn?”

Alec shuttered, but he didn’t give himself much time to think before he responded.

“Alec Lightwood. Again. I need to talk to you.”

There was pause before Magnus spoke. Though his voice was calmer than it had been before, there was undeniably an edge to it that Alec couldn’t miss.

“I made myself clear last time. I have no interest in getting involved in Shadowhunter business, especially not with the likes of you.”

“Please,” Alec begged, tears pricking at his eyes. “I didn’t mean to offend you. Really. Jace explained to me after why you were probably mad, but I didn’t think of it that way before.”

Magnus scoffed, the sound of it audible through the scratchy speaker.

“You didn’t think of it before?” he mocked. “Perhaps you view warlocks as so incapable of emotion that we are incapable of being offended too?”

“No, no, no,” Alec rushed to say. “That’s not what I meant at all. I’m—Do you know anything about autism?”

The silence stretched for so long that Alec thought he had scared Magnus away. He had undoubtedly made him uneasy, just like he did everyone else when he brought up the diagnosis that he and Izzy had fought for him to receive. His parents still didn’t accept the Mundane doctor’s conclusion. Perhaps Magnus wouldn’t either.

“Yes, I know what autism is,” Magnus replied, his words slow and careful.

Alec felt weight lift from his chest. He laughed slightly before he spoke, relieved that he didn’t have to explain the most basic elements yet another time.

“I’m autistic,” he said, voice gaining speed in his eagerness to set things straight. “I’m sorry about how my words came across, but I swear I didn’t mean it. You see, I really like learning about religions. If you ask some people, I like it too much. Sometimes I have questions that the other Shadowhunters can’t—or won’t—answer. Demons are real, but I want to know more. Were they created by a god? Are any of them actually fallen angels? That kind of thing. I know that you probably don’t know that much more about it than I do, but you’re part demon. Your existence, half demon and half human who can do magic, isn’t something that exists in the religious texts that my parents subscribe to.”

Magnus was quiet for a long time, but the silence didn’t scare Alec as much as it had before.

“Come upstairs,” Magnus said finally.

Alec blinked, waiting for something more, but that was all Magnus gave him. Letting out a shaky laugh, he bounded into the apartment building, nearly tripping as he hurried up the stairs. Magnus was leaning against the doorframe of his open apartment door when Alec found him. His shirt clung to his figure in a way that almost distracted Alec from the reason he had come, but he got himself back on track quickly as Magnus motioned for him to follow him inside.

As he sat down on the edge of the couch, his eyes flickering over everything in the apartment, he tried to stay calm. He watched Magnus sit down with an ease that impressed him more than he was willing to admit.

“So,” Magnus said, spreading his arms wide, “what do you want to know that you think a warlock like me can help you with?”

Alec wasted no time diving in.

* * *

Alec banged on Magnus’ door. They were long past the days of him buzzing and asking to be let in, but in his current emotional state, he would have ignored that custom anyway. Every cell in his body was vibrating with energy. He’d run most of the way from the Institute to Brooklyn, the consequences of which was catching up to him as he waited for Magnus to answer the door.

The chill caught up with him, too, as he felt the way his wet clothes clung to him. He’d hardly noticed the rain while he was running through it, but inside, he felt the droplets streaking down his skin and making goosebumps erupt in their wake.

When Magnus opened the door, Alec surged forward before he could stop himself. Magnus moves aside to let him pass, using magic to close the door behind them.

“What’s wrong?” he asked in a low voice. When Alec didn’t immediately respond, he added, “Alexander, please. Talk to me.”

Alec took several shaky breaths. Turning from Magnus, he dropped onto the couch and stared at a spot on the floor. His mind continued its loop of chosen moments from the confrontation with his mother.

“My mom,” was all he managed to get out the first time he tried.

From the corner of his eye, he saw Magnus perch himself on the other end of the couch. Alec shuddered from the memories but cleared his throat and began again.

“My mom figured out where I was going every day. She’s only been back from Idris for two weeks, and she never paid attention to what I did before, but somehow, she figured out I was visiting you.”

“What did she do?” Magnus asked through clenched teeth.

The anger in his voice made Alec freeze. He turned his head slowly to look at the warlock who had become his friend over the past month. In some ways, Alec already trusted Magnus more than his own parabatai, a fact that hit him all at once as he looked at the warlock across from him on the couch.

“She wants me to stop visiting you,” Alec whispered. Magnus had to lean forward to better hear him. “She thinks me coming here reflects badly on the family.”

Alec’s gaze zeroed in on the muscles in Magnus’ jaw as he clenched his teeth together. Alec openly stared as he waited for Magnus to respond. He expected to hear criticism against Shadowhunters; Magnus had never shied away from sharing his true opinion of Alec’s kind since they had met. After what his mother had said about Magnus, Alec wanted to hear about the prejudices most Shadowhunters held.

That wasn’t what he got.

“Perhaps you shouldn’t visit me anymore.”

Alec forgot to breathe. His eyes widened as looked at a spot past Magnus, towards the window, and tried to process what he’d been told.

“No,” he said quietly. He gripped at his stomach. “No,” he repeated. “You can’t make me stop coming. You can’t. No one listens to me like you do, not even Jace or Izzy.”

“Alexander.” Magnus’ voice broke, cutting him off.

“Please,” Alec begged, tears falling from his eyes. “You’re the only one who actually cares about what I have to say. I like it here. I don’t like the Institute. They always look at me like I’m strange or disappointing. You don’t do that. Please, Magnus.”

“Okay,” Magnus said, tears shining in his own eyes as he scooted closer to Alec on the couch and kept his voice low. “I’d never force you to leave, Alexander. I promise. You’re always welcome here.”

Alec took in a shaky breath.

“Thank you,” he said quietly.

Though some of the panic was gone, remnants of it stayed as he continued to focus on his breathing. He slowly became aware of how close Magnus was to him, but he wasn’t sure if Magnus was aware of it himself.

Hesitantly, Alec leaned into him, letting his head rest against Magnus’ chest. When Magnus’ arms wrapped around him, squeezing him tight, Alec relaxed further into the touch. He closed his eyes, soaking in the all-encompassing feeling of being close to Magnus.

After a few minutes, he pulled away far enough to look at Magnus’ face. The gaze Magnus gave him made a shiver travel down his spine with its intensity. Magnus must have felt it as he grinned slightly, a spark appearing in his eyes.

“Alexander,” Magnus whispered, the sound doing strange things to Alec’s body. “I’d really like to kiss you, but only if you want to kiss me do.”

“I do,” Alec said, not giving Magnus time to respond before he surged forward, pressing their lips together.


End file.
